OK So I have an awesome Husband!
Who gave me a family photo shoot with a
professional photographer for Christmas pictures!
The Shoot was super fun and a brand new experience for me,
because we walked away and now we wait.
SOOOOO odd for me, to wait to have a picture ready,
not to be the one fixing and choosing and
staring at the computer for hours.
Shane says that this is why I had the urge to take a
bunch of pictures myself of Mr.T.
I'm going to post many more of these on
my photography blog here.
Mostly because this space I want to use to talk about
something else, connected with this.
Since Mr.T was born I have been experiencing a bit of anxiety,
mostly because I am so in love with this little boy!!
I just love to hold and cuddle and kiss
and snuggle this precious little boy,
and It has been that way from the get go.
My anxiety comes from lack of memory,
especially surrounding Ms. E I don't have a lot of memories
of loving this fun little girl when she was super little.
I don't remember marveling at her presence or feeling like
I was so blessed to have her.
That is not to say that I didn't appreciate this perfect little girl.
My anxiety comes because I have no memory of it.
I am not sure if it is pregnancy brain, or just blocking out
sections to make room for all the new memories!
This last week I took solace from a talk I listened to by Julie B. Beck
when she was the general president of the Relief Society.
She talked about the blessing that comes to some mothers
that should not be ignored. That some women are born to be mothers
and it is the highlight of their life to have little children and babies all
around them that need them and are completely dependent upon them.
There are an equal number of women who need time and experience
to grow into being a mother. for them being a mother is the hardest
experience of their life. harder than any career path that they could
have taken. I think this is the category that I fit in to. I definitely feel
like being a mom challenges me every moment of every day
(that the children are awake). I don't always feel like I'm doing my
best and winning blue ribbons every day.
The point I think is that I am TRYING!!
I do love this little boy, and more than anything else right now maybe
I'm taking solace in the fact that whatever this new land of little boys
brings my way, I have the help of a loving heavenly father who knows
how grateful I am for this little boy and how badly and deeply I desire
to be a strong loving mother. I know I can not do this without a loving
and forgiving father in heaven who helps me move past my mistakes
and do better every day.
That is also one of my favorite blessings I have been given - that at the
end of each night I can have the knowledge that tomorrow starts new,
new chances to do better, to be more loving, more kind, take more time,
and listen a bit closer to my babies (and my husband too). All this while
the dishes pile up by the sink and the kitchen floor gets crummier and crummier!!
In the end I am still a mom who is simply trying to do my best!!
