Well since my last post there have been some very fun things happen in our little family.
One being the announcement of an addition.
We are expecting in late November.
Now as with every life changing decision there is a lot to think about.
This pregnancy especially.
Early in the blog I wrote about my desire to be real on my blog
and not just be rosy and sunny!
So this post is a little sweet and sour.
Although I am Very excited to have another little soul join our family . . .
- I AM SCARED -
Some days just the thought of having three babies,
makes me sit down and take a moment to get a hold on myself.
There are days when My 3 year old tells me over and over
she does not want any more screaming babies in her house.
(and I just about sit down and bawl)
There are days when I feel blessed that we can even have babies.
(There are so many couples who struggle to even conceive.)
There are days when I wished that people didn't equate my
skinny pregnancy with a healthy pregnancy!
(apparently because I'm skinny I must not be having any trouble or
feel like I'm carrying a watermelon, OK so maybe right now just a basketball.)
There are days when I know in my heart this baby already belongs to this family!
There are days when I marvel at the things that come out
of peoples mouths to pregnant women!!!!
(aka. when someone announces she is pregnant it is probably best
NOT to tell her you knew it all along?
So am I fat or do I look like death warmed over
and should just head back to bed.)
There are days when I watch my girls play together and laugh so hard I cry.
There are days when I want a poster that reads.
"I am hoping for a healthy baby with no delivery complications.
So please do not ask me if I am hoping for a boy or a girl!!
There are moments when I catch my 3 year old admiring a baby.
(Although she tries to pretend she isn't)
There are days when I just wish my body and my babies
would simply let me sleep through the night.
There are days when I am o.k. with letting go of all the guilt
when my house is in shambles.
There are days when I wish I had something tactless to say back
when people tell me I look tired and should sit down!!
(besides a sarcastic THANKS)
There are days when I realize and am in awe at the process my body
and this baby's body go through in a short 9 months.
(Freaking biological miracle that's what babies are!!)
There are days when I look at my pile of dirty dishes in the sink,
the cheerios on the kitchen floor and the piles of laundry sitting all over my house
that I sit down and decide, Tomorrow is soon enough.
There are days when I do not regret my decision to stay home with my children
and be their caregiver all day and all night!!
(I do however feel that I have been working an 80hr work week)
There are days when I am simply grateful that when I fell asleep on the couch for
20 minutes my 3 year old did not kill or harm herself in any way.
There are days when I want to proudly state that "Rearing Children is NOT a Science!"
(and burn all the free parenting magazines that are geared more towards
advertizing and promoting breastfeeding than actually helping parents cope)
There are often days when I start feeling my husbands
60hrs/week work/commitment schedule.
There are days when I want to scream out loud
"MY HEALTHY HAPPY CHILDREN BOTH
DRANK INFANT FORMULA,
NURSING IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!!!"
There are days when I feel completely overwhelmed by the
enormity of my responsibility as a mother.
But there are also days when I know I have been blessed so much
as a mother to understand the responsibility and the opportunity
that being a mother brings my way.
To learn and teach so much more about love and forgiveness and
being Christlike than I knew was possible.
To learn that Daddies have it rough too.
(Just because they are not delivering a baby does not mean
they do not feel the weight of their responsibility!!)
To learn that I am not alone in this awesome enterprise
of raising "good" kids.
(there will always be that triangle of support between
Myself, my Husband and my Heavenly Father.)
In Short - having this baby causes some inner turmoil -
but with a little patience I am hoping to turn it
into a whole bunch of growth!!
