Being a Mom - a rant - with a happy ending!!

Something that I find running through my head a lot when I struggle a little with the girls
(for whatever reason).

Even though I am a Mom I am still a human!

Which means that i still have needs that somehow should be met
(who knows how!)

This also means that it still hurts when someone repeatedly hits me,
screams in my face, throws things at me, calls me names,
is rude to me, or refuses my comfort.

Even when that person is my 2year old or even my 1 year old

I am a human and I have feelings and I am allowed to be sensitive to them.
That doesn't mean i am allowed to retaliate harshly - after all I am an adult -
but it does mean that i am allowed to help my children understand that
I AM A PERSON!!

So now I am wondering when it became selfish to want to sleep at night
(so I can be a better mom in the daytime),
read my scriptures for a 1/2 hour in silence
(not 3am silence),
and not allow my children to scream at me to express their anger/hurt?

That question being asked I have been encountering a huge force of thought
(some even from myself) that as a mother -
the best solution is simply to give more of myself to my children.

But at the same time this seems fundamentally backwards -
That if i simply ignore my own needs just a little bit more
and focus more on my childrens needs
then somehow my needs just will cease to exist?
They will simply dissolve due to lack of attention?

So now Let me Explain a few things!!

I Gave birth to two lovely children who I adore
I do not believe that I love them any less because
they sleep by themselves (sometimes after lots of bawling by all of us),
or because they have early bedtimes - to save my sanity.
Or because I have expectations that they should not
hit, maul, or yell at their mother no matter what toy has been taken away
or what show has been turned off or what treat they are
struggling to share with each other.

I am a MOTHER!! I am Still A PERSON!!

I believe that most parents understand that Every Child Is Different!! Mine sure are!!

What I think is missing is also the concept that,

EVERY MOTHER IS DIFFERENT!!

Not every MOTHER can mentally handle sitting down every twenty minutes
to nurse a child for five minutes who is a very distracted eater.
Not every mother can rock her child for an hour to sleep every 3 hours
throughout the night for an entire year
and just see the joy of holding their little one!

I also do not believe that some of these things could
be overcome with just a little perseverance!

As I was composing this rant a thought came to mind that
I had just heard a very important talk concerning comparison.

Now the question who and where had I Listened?
(oh and how well?)

In October i was able to leave my girls at home and attend the
General Relief Society Broadcast of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints,
with my mother in law and sister in law.
There was a particular talk given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
That most who heard will remember as the Forget Me Not talk.

Surprisingly it has little to do with comparison and more to do with
forgiveness, love and service!!
But here is where comparison comes in to play!!

As I re-read the talk I was struck by two specific sections
which leads me to my happy ending!!

#1. Time to wipe away the tears and begin erasing the guilt
caused by the constant comparison that sometimes
motherhood breeds in us all!!

He states - "God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.

Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

It’s wonderful that you have strengths.

And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses . . . . .

Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself."

#2 Time to remember that even if the voice of popular thought throughout
the whole world seems to not understand or appreciate
why you choose to mother the way you do
and why you expect so much of your children,
Our Loving Heavenly Father Does!!

"You are not forgotten.

Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

God loves you because you are His child. He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes.

The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow."

If You want to read the whole talk you can find it here:

Forget Me Not - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

And So now I End on this Happy note!!
I know this to be So Completely True!!
(but that doesn't mean I don't need to remind myself)
We are children of a Loving God who has an infinite love and
an abundance of patience for our small and sometimes
insignificant looking attempts to follow our savior.
I know he does not miss a thing and is truly mindful
of the things we need in our lives,
as he has shown me often how mindful he is of mine!